HOW I LEARN TO ACCEPT THE NEW ME AFTER STROKE?

How do you let go of someone who's been you for 55 years? How do you mourn the old person who was you? How do you say goodbye to yourself?

It was not easy. It's a roller coaster ride for sure, some days are harder than others. It took me long time to be able to fully accept and realize that the old me is gone. I went through depression and anxiety because I was trying to fight so hard to get my old self back. I keep looking back and wishing to be the same person before my stroke.

I'm thankful that I seek professional help and ask my doctor for help. So grateful that I had the courage to tell my mental health counselor that I needed help. I don't think I would be here today if I didn't seek help for my depression and anxiety. It's just something that I have no control of. All the crying,sadness, anger and frustrations came from the traumatic experience from my stroke and my brain was playing trick on me. I kept asking my doctors and counselors, "Why I am depressed? I should be happy and grateful because I am alive?" But I didn't understand that the brain went through a trauma and the new things happening in my body were so overwhelming that brought me to a deep depression and anxiety.

After hundreds of hours talking to my counselor, I slowly understand what's happening to me and slowly learn how to manage my depression and anxiety. I'm glad I did it because my anxiety and depression is not helping with my recovery. Now I can slowly learn how to accept the new me and realize that life can be different but can still be good. I realized that the sooner I'm going to accept the new me and know the new me better, the happier I will be.I realized that instead of wasting time feeling sad, sorry and angry, I can use that energy to help build up the new me as glorious and fabulous as I want her to be. I have to learn to embrace my imperfection and not to let stroke break me. They said when stroke gives you disability, focus on your ability and show stroke who's the Boss! And that's what I did.

It's scary but I tried to use my fear to live with renewed purpose. I think I was brave and courageous before my stroke but I have to redefine that courage after my stroke. Fear is always lurking behind and it sometimes doesn't help when you are trying to build a new you after stroke. I worry all the time especially having another stroke. But I learn that it's okay to worry because it helps you make changes to make life better instead of being in denial.Yes, denial is the biggest obstacle in our recovery. Accepting our limitations after stroke is the first step toward becoming the new version of you.

Probably 21 months ago I would not be saying this. But today I'm happy to say that I love the new me. My stroke changed my perspective in life. I'm becoming a new person in a good way. I appreciate life more. I'm a much better person now. I learn to take care of my health. Because of my stroke I become aware of how important it is to have a healthy lifestyle.I learn how to eat healthy and to take care of myself. Sometimes we are too busy taking care of everybody that we forgot to take care of ourselves. I learn that it's okay to put yourself first because you can't take care of others if you're dead.

There's a quote in Facebook that I like which says,

Start where you are.

Use what you have.

Do what you can.

DON'T GIVE UP. CREATE A NEW DREAM. REINVENT YOURSELF. BUILD A NEW AND BETTER YOU AFTER STROKE.

"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses." Abraham Lincoln